Vapidity

This is going to make me sound like some brown-nosing nerd, but after the term ends I’m really going to miss attending lessons by one of the literature professors, because he is really passionate about literature and teaching literature. You don’t meet many of such professors in the course of your University life, especially if you happen to study in NUS. 

Of course I’m being really unfair, because I have met at least two literature profs in NUS who are incredibly good at teaching and love what they do, but I can’t say it’s the same for other courses. I haven’t met truly terrible professors, mostly just really, really boring ones, but all I’m saying is it takes a rare breed to actually love their specialisation and be passionate about imparting knowledge. 

By the way, recently there’s been some (okay, I’m lying, it’s not even worth mentioning) fuss about the Yale-NUS collaboration, and this professor wrote in to the Yale daily to speak out against the collaboration. 

Because I know you guys won’t read it, he basically calls NUS illiberal and Singapore a country with “an environment that lacks many of the basic freedoms we take for granted.” Of course, he also stated that Yale’s “goal is to bring light and truth to a world often confused by darkness and deceit.” I would think it’s conceited to even think you have the moral authority to bring “light and truth” to anybody, because who died and made your college supreme judge of the world? The definition of this “light and truth” is ultimately based on the assumption that your over-privileged ivory tower of an institute has the power to define what is right and what are freedoms, and impose your ideas onto your fellow men, whom you think are incapable to see what is right on their own because they are so imprisoned in what you perceive as their mental shackles. 

Essentially what he is arguing against is the conflation of the two brands, because once tied to NUS/Singapore, land of mental shackles and human rights violations, people would easily confuse our illiberal, unthinking minds with that of the elite upholders and gatekeepers of human sanctity which the scholars at Yale are. And he’s afraid that the cowardly (he seems to suggest) administrative people at Yale would be so cowed by the money NUS is giving and the fragile ties between the two that no criticism of the new establishment could be made. 

Of course, this is a valid concern, because the college is a brand, and the brand represents all these ideals and freedoms, and obviously the brand represents one’s ability to get a smashing job in whatever sector one chooses to venture in. You wouldn’t want people confusing it with a no-name University from Singa-huh where what I heard they ban gum haha-pore, right? I agree with that viewpoint, because people build their impressions of people based on labels, so reputation is a big deal o’ shizz and all that. 

Just don’t try to cover your obviously elitist sentiments with the whole upholding freedom, human rights and universal values bull, because you just come across as a pompous twat git person. Oh hey, look, there I go with my illiberal self-censorship! Darn that Singapore authoritarianism and withholding of my human rights!

Why am I feeling so butthurt about this anyway? I’m always whinging about how Singapore is stifling, and NUS sucks (it does, you know?), but that’s because I live and study there, and know the country/school better than some professor across the globe. Sure, he wasn’t wrong when he questioned the lack of political freedoms, and also when he spoke against tarnishing the brand name of the college. It’s just the first part which pissed me off. You wish to spread the message of truth and light (and love and peace, and all things which are beautiful) to this confused, lost world? You think you know this truth? That you own it? That the rest of the world need to be saved because they can’t think for themselves? How self-righteous can you get? Aren’t you also imposing the same sort of mental (?) imperialism onto others when you believe you can save the others? You don’t own the right to define what universal truth is. You don’t have the answers to the world’s problems, and if you think you are even close to finding it, you are sadly mistaken. Just because you base your definition of human rights and basic freedoms on the model proposed and promoted by your country as the only true model for the human race doesn’t mean we all have to subscribe to it. 

I’m just so sick of the hypocrisy, because all anyone really cares about is the tarnishing of the brand name, which could mean a dropping of the University rankings and or doubt on the part of the stockholders (which means less cash and funding), and losing the ivy league status. Who the fuck actually thinks about the compromising of freedoms if you already made it so clear that Yale-NUS is not Yale, and none of the things done there would have any effect on the college itself? Just stop with the conflation of the two. You cannot argue for the upholding of truth and morals when all you are concerned with is tarnishing of your reputation. You cannot stand for both imperialistic idealism and snooty elitism. 

Tl;dr, up yours.

By the way, just another disclaimer, I in no way endorse NUS or Singapore. 

Why am I still so full of angst? I’m 21 ffs.

My exchange life is almost over. I am going to have the worst semester yet when I return to NUS. It’s a weird thing though, when I’m here I do all my assignments on time, I go for lessons which I like and/or feel like going for, which are things I’ve always been doing in NUS. Plus in Montreal I’ve got to think about laundry, meals, and generally keeping a watch on my expenditure. Yet I’ve never felt the same level of depression and ennui that I frequently feel in NUS. Maybe because I’ve come to the realisation that even if you’ve got tons of deadlines to keep up with and numerous books to read, you can actually live a life.

You know how when I’m in NUS I’m usually whining about how I’ve got no life? Usually when I feel that way I’d turn to watching movies and catching up on sitcoms to actually fill my time. Here, I hang out with people weekly, and make plans to explore Montreal, stuff that we never do in Singapore. The thing is, are we even that busy to begin with? Sure, we’ve got our own lives, lectures to attend, and assignments to complete, but here it’s like we’ve got the same things, but we’re more open to spending time just enjoying life and the company of others. I guess I don’t want it to end because I’ve finally got to a place where there’s really a work-life balance, and back in NUS I’d just be forced to be alone again because everyone will be busy with their own lives and if I ask for time to be taken out to be spent on hanging out with me I’d be a really lousy friend. 

Sometimes the grass is greener on your side, but you’ve got to leave it. 

My sentiments towards NUS is at an all time low now. I know how I’ve always proclaimed that I love being alone (I do, I really like having space and the quiet to think and not having to interact with people you don’t care about the least bit), but I really miss hanging out with people I love. I wish I could transplant the life I’m living now back to my life in Singapore. I’d love to hang out with the people I love weekly. 

Of course when I get back I’d be so piss poor I wouldn’t be able to do anything which involves money. And that’s everything. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live my entire life in Singapore, because how can I after experiencing such a place? It’s not only the fact that I’ve got more freedom here (no curfew, stable reservoir of money, which apparently is way less than what my other friends have, but I get by, a lot of alcohol, the works), but also it’s just the atmosphere? Sure, people here can be racist (oh believe me), the metro system is way dodgier than Singapore’s one, hobos and druggies litter the streets and people sell weed on the streets just outside the stripclubs. And Singapore’s really safe at night (well, comparatively), cleaner, and way more convenient. But you should feel the vibe here. People actually read, all the time! You don’t see idiots whipping out their iPads and showing off their expensive plaything on the trains, you see people reading. Real books. And I understand why sometimes you don’t even need to listen to MP3, because you don’t feel the urge to drown out inane conversations around you. And maybe because I don’t know the city enough, but people here seem less caught up in the rat race as compared to Singapore. Back home you just feel the urge to be efficient, and productive, and drive the best cars and own the best house. You feel like there’s only one measure of success and that’s whether you become one of the country’s elite of simply another member of the white-collar middle-class herd, blindly chasing after what the elites have and you can never achieve. 

Here, you get bohemian types who busk on the streets, obviously loving the music they produce a lot. And you see a bustling art scene which seems to just blend in so well with the city, while in Singapore everything seems less organic and more bought, because try as hard as they may, how can you ever get an arts scene to develop in Singapore when all we care about (well, most of us) are the prospects? I guess the one crucial difference is that I can feel something like an undercurrent of passion in Montreal, with it’s old architecture and intellectual vibe (and weed. Lots and lots of weed), while in Singapore everything seems so controlled, mechanical and apathetic. 

Maybe that’s why I’m such an adrenaline junkie, because as a Singaporean I’ve always felt this lack of freedom, and this inability to ever go off track because every freaking thing is already decided for you. Sure, in a utilitarian sense it’s good to have everything planned out and most uncertainty eliminated, because you can’t have a country run on a government filled with people like me, but I’ve never bought into the idea of utilitarianism in governance. Just let the people fucking try to find their happiness. Why should anyone ever have the power over such a large number of people that he can be the authority upon whom the choice to provide happiness falls? And who are you to decide that your choice is the best one to provide a happiness which you define? Shouldn’t everyone be given freedom to make their own mistakes and choose the life they want to live? I hate the fact that the very narrow definitions of success and happiness in life has been indoctrinated into us since a very young age, and we grow up thinking that way. It’s difficult to escape that sort of thinking, and ever so often I find myself looking at things in this crass and materialistic way. I hate it. 

Guess what? Alcohol has a rather depressive effect on me. 

Think happy thoughts of Montreal, no? I love it here. The riots, the weed peddlers, the shady stripclub streets, and the weather. Spring’s on the verge of arriving! 

Sorry me no proofread.